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World Domination Began

Today in Masonic History, World Domination Began in 1993.

Many people ask when did the masons plans for World Domination begin, on this special day I would like to give a brief history of our journey to World Domination.

World Domination began when two, seemingly ordinary individuals joined the fraternity. By many accounts when they joined Acme Lodge No. 1993 there was little expectation for them. In fact there were some, because of the candidates background, who were of the opinion they should not be allowed to join the fraternity. Fortunately for all of us they were admitted to the Acme Lodge and our course for World Domination was set.

It was shortly after joining that the two newest members of Acme Lodge moved to become Senior Warden and Worshipful Master of their lodge. It is from them that we get the unofficial masonic ritual exchange which most lodges use in their opening:

Senior Warden: "What are we going to do tonight Worshipful Master?"
Worshipful Master: "The Same thing we do every meeting Brother Senior Warden, try to take over the World!"

If we are being honest, those two new members from 1993 are not the first attempt for World Domination by the fraternity. There have been many tries, misses and missteps in the past. Here are just a few of them.

There was the time that we decided to confuse those who would try to infiltrate our order. We changed the degree structure of the fraternity to include 360°. This was a massive increase from the more commonly believed number of 33°. It was quickly determined that this was not the right answer. It became increasingly difficult to find people to put on the additional 327° and we just seemed to end up right back where we started from.

There was the time that our special "out of town" friends tried to help us. In 1947 we asked them to simply drop by some of their mothers brownies for one of our World Domination planning meetings. Well we all know how that ended up. The worst part was the brownies were lost in the crash. I remember feeling great sorrow when I saw that Army general holding up the aluminum foil that the brownies were wrapped in. It was like he was taunting us saying "Yeah those World Domination brownies were gooood!"

Even our most recent endeavor at World Domination had it's issues. There was the issue of the World Domination parade. First we couldn't figure out how to incorporate more than two cars. Then we decided to use only two cars and we couldn't figure out how to get everyone into two cars. In the end we were just lucky that no one was hurt during the parade rehearsals. It is this writers opinion that we made a smart move by just canceling the parade all together, although that is still a controversial decision.

Then there was the World Domination luncheon. Should we serve tuna sandwiches or should we serve egg salad, it almost tore the fraternity apart. I was present on the day when the "soup faction" made their proposal, honestly I thought that was the end of all of our World Domination plans. Eventually, after what seemed like an endless debate, we were able to get the luncheon together so that we could move forward with our World Domination plans. As the old saying goes, "it is not World Domination without a proper luncheon".

Despite all of the missteps, miscues and just plain misses finally our World Domination plans came into focus and here we are celebrating World Domination day.

So to all our brother masons I say Happy World Domination day! For the uninitiated I just say - April Fools!